Different goals, interests and even more suprising is her personality and character. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. He wants us to sell our home and buy two places. We had a solid marriage and two great kids. She says she wants to live by herself with her 3 kids cause they are better off without me. Its so weird! Hes cut that off and I am bereft no kiss, no cuddle, no sweet goodbye when he sees me off to work. He needs space to find himself. They dont say how to handle the part before Im ok cause Im not ok. And, I do have a shrink for a totally different personal issue, but she just had a baby. I am so hurt. My wife of 14 total, 11 married just is done. 5 years ago I bumped in to a high school friend. We sold our home we owned together, yet I paid the mortgage as we were looking for a change. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. Go to therapy. So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. He consistently talks down to me, even though I am highly intelligent, like Im a child who needs scolding. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. It wasnt until I became a single parent that I really began to understand how much of a taboo subject it still is. When we met it was love from the off. He says they have not had sex but it is an emotional affair just as bad or worse! When he left me, my mother was furious . No, Im not saying that you need to forget all that happened. Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and it's OK to express grief: "You're grieving the loss of this relationship, what . My wife works commission base in medical field and she is a master manipulator. He worked days. When I came back to get rental I found hidden inside a mint bottle Vicodin and soma pills that were in two sets of boxes. I am an alcoholic in recovery with almost 22 yrs of sobriety. Then I suffered a spinal injury, that left me crippled with pain for seven years, five of them entirely bed-confined. The mediator couldnt understand why we were getting divorced. While I understand we didnt have the perfect marriage and living situations, I never saw this coming. I am now trying some dating sights.Right away some girl that claimed to live in Texas started e mailing me telling me how she loved me profile and this and that.Anyway i did a background check and found out this young lady lives in the other side of Africa.In Giane.She was trying to tell me that she needed money for documents to come to be with me..Yea right! He was the greatest dad, he still sees the kids but maybe once a week. Everything that was me was up in that condo in the almost 20 year relationship we fought hard to create. In doing that it was found that I needed a hysterectomy due to fibroid cyst were filling my uterus to the point that everthing else was pushed into my chest cavity! I felt like I was wasting his time. I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. He would never compromise nit even come home 1 time a week to have supper as a family hes a workaholic Now hes not happy because Ivehad anger issues so I went to get help since I too realizes I have to work on myself and I changed.my kids see it.however apparently I didnt change enough. Wife of 17 years left 4mos ago. Sounds familiar except mine was emotional abuse, yip, happened to me too, thank g i kept postponing the wedding date or id be stuck in an abusive marriage with a traumatized kid. I need some advice and to help here with my own feelings. If he doesnt respond to ONE request, then get an annulment and move on. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. I invite you to read 'Paul's' story (not his real name). Sadistic. Not just on the weekends. I hope you can continue to be strong and take the steps to be in control. My husband of five years, 11years together came home from work, it had been a week since he works away from home and left me, one week before Christmas. Letting go of the past - especially a husband who left you for another woman - isn't about "getting over it.". You may have your theories as to why he's gone, or he may have given you a reason already, but it all comes down to one core . She really screwed you. Its worth absolutely zero to her. If I do what you want, you say I am only doing it because you told me to.". She feels like a bad person who cannot be forgiven for leaving her family. How to cope: If this is the reason for your divorce or breakup, you probably had a good go of it. But there isnt anything other than try to focus on your kids. The same thing happened to me after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. Why pretend you want to save our family? Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. Still cant believe after a year and a half of unimaginable pain and recovery, I went back to help. Then four months later he came back and I got preganant. Maybe that was the final straw. Ive lost my wife, best friend, kids as Im not in a state to see them and daily fatherly contCt. This is also the second time he has done this the last time wasnt quite as brutal I dont think he was still super cold and mean to me but there was a rocky relationship leading into it so it wasnt overly surprising it lasted abiut a month and half before he came crawling back. I do find these are the main reasons for divorce. There are always ways and things to try other than giving up. It doesnt matter what they look like, the color of their skin, or the gender they identify with. 1. Its not fair of you to hold a grudge and try to get your husband back when hes more than likely done with you. Kasey Scharnett-King, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Fort Worth, Texas, suggests being wary of impulsive decisions. He started changing as soon as he graduated. One way you may seek fresh validation and appreciation might be through a new romantic partner. It made me feel sick. The kids are with her in the parents house. Before my son turned 18 he changed his mind and thought it would be a perfect time to get married. So it wasnt long after that he became violent. The list goes on and on, I did hold resentment for that and no I didnt tell him how wonderful he was every day, but I gave him a pat on the back when he needed it and Id set money aside so that we could have family time on the weekends and do fun things. My husband of 10yrs left me, said he didnt live me anymore. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. Dont want to share this with anyone hoping he will see sense. Just be true to yourself. The one you left feelings dont matter no more?? She gets outraged and calls me every name in the book and thats that. Fed up of the assumptions that there is another man involved ha! I wish you all the best Living in forgiveness will free you from some of the hurt in your divorce and allow you to move forward more healthily. Though I miss him and would love for him to be at home with us, he refuses to get psychological help Therefore, I believe its better hes gone. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! 4. Too bad he is having a mid-life melt down. Since that day, naturally, nothing has been the same I still love him very much and care for him but I feel like we arent meant to be together anymore. This other guys life probably seems fresh and new, problem free, sexually attentive and like a vacation from her life. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. 1. How are you doing? I dont intend to be mean when I do so. I love all your comments. My partner of 7 years left after an argument over nothing 3 months ago and he is refusing to talk about anything. I work out at a gym and have put my grandson and myself in martial arts to help me cope. So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. 2. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. Almost like something magical happens when reading the article. I am blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends and family to support me .. My wife of 10 years went on a weekend trip with our daughter. theycome to realize is this it! In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. I dont know what to think anymore. You feel criticized. I was sick but it didnt matter. I borrowed the money for the lawyer from somebody else.he paid all the bills. Now he is living with his parents. I do not try to figure out why as it only makes me sad. He is not the problem; I am. She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. I know we fought and that wasnt good for the kids but how can you just cut some one out of your life like shes done to me. You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. It takes a brave man to walk out on his wife and kids. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. She strings me along soo damn well She KNOWS I would give ANYTHING for my wife back, my absolute best friend in the entire world, my everything. We loved like I have never experienced. I am so sorry! Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. He sent the email are u serious?? I hold my vows very close to my heart. Are you close with his family? Mental illness alone is no excuse to break up with someone. It appears the more you try, the more you are rejected. Gender disparity in the rate of partner abandonment in patients with serious medical illness. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. Holy cow. Dh comes over to see kids every night. My wife is 34. .. Here are just a couple of possibilities for the relationship ghosting: Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the level at which you recognize and empathize with emotions. forgiveness and love unconditionally, but when you are the only one keeping the commandments it is hard. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. She went through chemo treatments and subsequently radiation treatments. Nothing has meaning. The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. I was lonely for a friend, a companion, a co-pilot and a lover to share the rest of my life with. He said he was unhappy for 10 years. If its meant to be it will happen! Good luck with Thanksgiving maybe they will be nicer to you this year since youre going through this nightmare. I really am discouraged because the two councilors we have seen have only listened to my husband and not really me! Contact a lawyer, or find a friend who knows one. Sure, you will have good days and bad days, I still get those, but they are now few and far between. I am hurt in the worst way.I want us to be together soo badly.I dont know what to do.My pain is to much to handle. You are going through a wife abandonment situation when your husband suddenly leaves; without notice, without discussion, he's just gone. It would be easy. How can I do it? Rage that would be primarily directed towards friends and family. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. But, the remarkable thing that I want to share, pertinent to this discussion, and the particular issue of people who just *wont/cant* get over a particularly traumatic breakup/abandonment is this: AS A BY-PRODUCT OF THE SUCCESS OF THE NEURONTIN ON MY PHYSICAL PAIN, THE OTHER THING THAT AMAZINGLY DISAPPEARED, WAS THE PAIN AND OBSESSION OF THAT THIRTY-YEAR TORCH I WAS CARRYING. I later found out she moved into the house her male boss was selling. 5. It took me 27 years to realize I had married a narcissist . Where are you at spiritually and mentally? Thank u for replying. Sleeping in the spare room shows separation and guilt. Good luck to you all..Ive learnt in the last month..love yourself, think positive and ask for help when you need. She would never abandon her children No morals and narcissistic behaviour a lot of people today you can see that with the sort of dating sites out there promoting affairs. You will overcome. I know it hurts, my husband left me too. I just want her to call me & tell me its going to be ok but she is pressing ahead with this divorce in what seems nothing other than an irrational speed. You may have noticed unhappy employees joking about wanting to burn down their . I tried under the circumstances but we need temporary help moving forward.. And more, Only 5? Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). I cried out to him and said, Why are you leaving!? Youre alright she just kept it in and kept it a secret.he was sending her money, and they were making plans for a long time her to leave and moved to England.now theyre engaged to be married and are making wedding plans.and also looking into a goth wedding, with a blood red dress and even have a guest invitation list.all this and she is still married to me.the divorce is pending, because of abandonment and being international,it could take years to finalize.I am at a loss for answers, I have no closer.I guess I will never get closer.this is clearly the worst thing that is ever happened to me. I dont know what to do. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. Maybee we can find a way to keep in contact if youd like to talk more. We did everything together, literally. Then quite quickly our arguments started becoming more fatal & terminal. She will never understand just how much hurt she had made so many people feel so she could be selfish and live like a teenager ignoring the fact she has kids watching. He is a best-selling author and shares valuable marriage advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. One more thing.. The number one rule of Christianity is forgiveness. I think its horrid because they are not educated and working as a medical professional in the industry they are giving really bad advice. Its not you though,youjust do your best for your kids and do your best to just move on. Wow great article. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. Latter he leaves the house and stay for days, some times weeks without telling me his whereabouts. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. Never asked how I was, if I am okay, nothing. So Im on my own, hence the online searching for advice. If children are involved, people in your network can offer as surrogate caretakers for your kids so that you can have some time to heal and recover from the hurt.. Only that is no longer who she is. One thing lead to another then we had sex. Blog. Theres a reason to leave someone. This is one of the most common reasons people leave a relationship. 1. I have been with my husband for 14 years.13 of them married. Technically, there was no reason that I should have still been in such pain yet I was. ..u have given me strength. Just have to keep moving forward. Curious I went out and heard him drop something out of my sight. 5. I never was, I dont get it. I get there and she pretends like nothings wrong. Just happened? Hello all im still Jon.and yes Im still sad and miserable and confused and lonely.. Rather than an excess of painful emotion, it was the lack of pain, the lack of feeling, that was the . Her husband barely talked to her. I went to visit her and we really hit it off He drove all the way home at midnight. And the same is true of your new companion. This order is supposed to save lives not ruin them. I have lost my appetite I dont know what to do, pls any advice will be very helpful My children were now being brainwashed into believing I left then for this new woman as well as a few of her not so close friends. Love has to be tough this is one reason no matter what you must not take her back . Then I was wise to her pupils biegn dialated different times during the week for the next couple of weeks and could tell at those times she was not all there. Scripture adds. I realize you don't know me. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. All was hunky dory but hes a moody sort and were back to I hate it the house, neighbourhood etc. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. Best wishes. I dont think he is as he has a very close relationship with his family. Thanks, If she ever contacts you again say this, never talk to me again. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. Get on yur knees & Let him fight your battles. Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. Sometimes you have to keep telling yourself its not you, its really them and they will get theres on there time. You stay joyful in the midst of pain because your children will always be yours. Yes Im sorry I misunderstood. I had a thousand questions, but they all boiled down to "why?" What would you suggest in regards to your post that you made some days in the past? So sorry to hear this..:( I have been with wife for 18 years and she wants a divorce. He was my best friend, and had promised we could co-parent., My childs father was leaving me. The kids will see you live life happier and fuller than ever before and they will follow suit. It will be awful and painful and confusing. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. I knew he was insecure and this got to him, but I never really thought to deep into it until he cheated on me a few weeks ago. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? Im in Oregon. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. I has been left with no rhyme or reason you can read my earlier blog. I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. In the eyes of a narcissist they themselves are perfect ! 3. They feed off your emotions , reel you in with false promises then get off with pumped up ego when you crumble -thinking you couldnt possibly live without their superior super human selves. He says he will still help me, do anything for me but we are friends not lovers which is true. . But I am steadily going forward. Permission to publish granted by Andra Brosh, PhD. Or, reach out to her again. My youngest is 3 and my older son is 6. Respond to me let me know how youre doing :). In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. !.Good By.I am trying to be happy but its not working.I dont know how a person could ever feel more lonely and empty and unhappy.Im trying.. Very sad and bewildering for those of us in long term relationships. You might want to file a complaint against her to freeze your money before you get that back. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. I think about how I drove my family apart. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. He talks to me like if I was his worst enemy. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. Really sucks actually knowing it was never a mistake or anything like that. Peace of mind is what I want. Im sorry but she has a mind of her own and can make her own mind. My wife of 20 years asked me to move out 33 days ago we have 3 kids together two boys 6 and 19 and a 13 year old girl. Rediscover that now. DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. I know youre hurting right now, and I understand that you want another shot with your husband. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. There are many of us going through the same thing and you have a support network of people to reach out to for coffee, chats, friendships, even just to read stories and ask questions or know you are doing a great job. Guilt that you divorced your mentally ill spouse. I feel like he blames me for our failed marriage and I know that everything hehas said were all just excuses because he was too much of a coward to admit he was leaving for someone else. I went to the closet to get my stuff and she had already thrown all my clothes in a pile by the closet door, when she folded and placed his stuff in my drawers and closet. Now after we talked I was able to ask her to allow me time to change It must be hard especially having little ones. we moved out with each other when she was 17 and I was 22. Good luckto us bothwe will be OK though. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. On Valentines day, she decided to tell me she doesnt love me and has in fact hated me for the last 15 years, though showed no signs of it. When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled. She told them that they were staying with me, she couldnt afford them. My wife did not return home from work last friday (now tuesday), my son nor i have heard from her since despite numerous texting, although she has told 2 other people she is ok, these people are strangers to me, I only found out via a third party. After all, youre not weak for feeling this way. I feel bad for those who do, because I dont even understand it. Also she kept looking at me at the bar.. I did it all. He is a sociopath who researched, calculated and executed a horrific crime on another human being with no remorse, empathy, compassion and humanity!! Hes dating without any problem Im sure. I miss him badly. All you have to do is think about the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs carI think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. I am struggling in finding a way to deal with his departure as my love for him yearns and hurts at the same time. I know it may seem a bit weird but I stumbled upon this site just the same way. Im not perfect and have owned and taken responsibility for all my faults but the blame. Best! We all do. There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. My world is upside down right now with no end in sight. I cant imagine being in this apartment we have been in for so long together and staring at all the memories and these walls and being able to move on and be happy. This isnt him. ! We live in a rural area and funds are limited for different counciling but I feel he has walked out on me when things were at the worst and when I needed support the most. Six months where I have stayed silent on this topic because of the guilt and . He feels I am impossible to please. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. If you want to. It puzzles me why I cannot close the chapter on this one. Years. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. My youngest is only five. ?Confused please help. He started arguements out of no where and said it was me. I was forced to leave my home as there is no available help there at all and what help is available is on a wait list and is for a facility outside my territory only (and the wait list is between 6-10 months). Personal interview. He said he would always love me but that I just wasnt able to forget the past. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. My break ups I had a choice die, lay in my bed forever and lose my job, or take the bull by the horns and say I am a good person and I deserve better!! Im so lost and I dont know what to do. Youre young. I dont know who to treat him. At 42 they are prime examples of men going through Mid Life crisis. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. I said that is fine, i am done with always fighting with you. I was born with mine. Everyone says it gets better but I can see myself 19 years from now crying and asking why as well. My ex knew the lawyers and judges, actually they knew me too, which makes it even more egregious. This is tearing me apart. This was mid January. I was devastated. He even deposited the 1st alimony early and as a (unrequested by me) convenience, closed my checking account and mailed a check to myour house to save me a trip to the bank! I know your heart is broken, but you need to understand that your husband may have left because he was unhappy and wanted something better. She txts him daily and it dosent bother her that Im right there. Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2022. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. I encourage you to read up on personality disorders: maybe its the same with your husband. This wasnt the fist time I had wanted to leave, but thankfully this time I felt more convinced that this relationship was not going anywhere.
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