175. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Its scary when it disappears. 35. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 154. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. When nothing is going right, go left. 92. 203. 141. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 78. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Roy Lichtenstein I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. 1. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. 26. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Life always offers you a second chance. 98. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. 269. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 276. happy. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Today I was a hero. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Microchips. 69. 185. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Youre talking to yourself. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. 46. I am lazy till I get a motive. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. I am awesome. In the morning, I cant get up. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? - Roy T. Bennett. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 139. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Ensure that your actions match your words. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 123. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 4. 277. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Never let anyone waste your time twice. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. With time, I have started to value more time. 2. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 209. Hi! 2. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 74. It gets toad away. You have to go after it with a club. 77. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 171. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Live life to the fullest. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 21. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 168. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Why did the can crusher quit his job? I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. You can only be young once. Its okay, he woke up. 50. I can create positive change in the world. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Swimming trunks. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Words have the power to make or break us. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Effective pushing often involves poop. This is a snap. 33. 3. 225. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Robert A. Heinlein, 243. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. My jokes do. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I never apologize. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 198. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 27. Helen Giangregorio. 74. 251. 169. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. It doesnt work if it is not open. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 196. Im like a postage stamp. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Franklin Jones, 259. Cindy from Marzahn 126. I love my body. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 269. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Enjoy! "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. I can always be fatter. Sam Levenson. 7. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 228. I thought you said extra fries. 88. 172. 119. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. - Catherine Pulsifer. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 1. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 3. 47. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 30. 15. 259. 1. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. They planet. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 179. Milton Berle, 245. My body deserves love. 64. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 232. At night, I cant fall asleep. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 7. 89. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 125. 61. I tried, but they wanted cash. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. No, but April may. "Have a great Wednesday. 239. 273. When they go away, its a brighter day. 1. 2. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. The rest are too expensive. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. 192. And a funny bone. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Effective pushing often involves poop. 117. 267. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Focus on the positives and be grateful. I wish my wallet came with free refills. How do trees access the internet? My chins are a stairway to heaven. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Snowballs. Friday Affirmations. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 274. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 161. Its okay if people dont like me. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. The only power you have is the word no. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. 267. With a cowculator. Walter Bagehot 201. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Good morning! Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Read the first word again. 278. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 85. I feel great. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. We need to hear a pin drop. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 245. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I feed my spirit. 274. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 56. Best friends eat your food. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. 257. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 211. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 9. A backbone. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. 5. 32. I am tough and resilient. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 116. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Steven Alexander Wright. Henny Youngman, 246. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 161. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 114. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 58. 48. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Albert King If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. I wish my wallet came with free refills. You were too lazy to read that number. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Honolulu, its got everything. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". 131. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 242. Not everyone has good taste. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. I did not trip and fall. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 136. Funny positive affirmations do work. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Learn sign language, its very handy. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. It has nothing new to tell you. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. It has nothing new to tell you. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 142. - Donald Trump. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Ken Dodd Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. When life closes a door, just open it again. 51. My mood swings keep life interesting. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 72. Ive got three bones. 207. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 104. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. - Bette Midler. 127. Bill Murray My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". How do trees access the internet? I love living in my unique female body. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 152. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 196. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. You can only be young once. We need to hear a pin drop. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. Benjamin Franklin I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 6. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 6. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Your words become your actions. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Erma Bombeck The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 153. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Stuart Turner, 247. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 199. We'll get to that later. Why was six scared of seven? 34. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 134. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. I am here to live to the fullest. 236. Why was six scared of seven? I am fine. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. "Disconnect to connect.". 39. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 270. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 36. 152. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 191. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 173. 241. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Ben Hogan. 44. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. 17. 39 funny positive affirmations. 141. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Pat Sajak My mistakes dont define me. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. 2. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Jackie Collins, 240. Today is a great day. 91. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 204. 114. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 111. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. It doesnt work if it is not open. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Let me know in the comments section down below! Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 19. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 249. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Because he was always spotted. 86. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 2. 65. 82. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Sincerely, yourself. 160. I receive what I believe. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. I see food, and I eat it. 224. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Bill Murray. Its called tomorrow. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. If only common sense were more common. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 7. 194. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. But even if this does happen, who cares? 173. Theres no stopping me now. 73. Today I will embrace the poop. 271. "Today will be a great day". Today, I look at my goals. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 176. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. 174. Make it inspiring. 44. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. East I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 10. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Because he was always spotted. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 100. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 212. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 67. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Thank God Im an atheist. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. So far, so good. Good morning! I believe in what's possible for me. You try again, but no sound is coming out. 249. I didnt want to interrupt her. I dont suffer from insanity. 231. I honor that time. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. - George Burns. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Rodney Dangerfield. Why is England the wettest country? I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. 2. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 270. Honolulu, its got everything. George Burns 189. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 102. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Franklin Jones 72. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. The world is missing some pizzazz. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 52. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! 43. 180. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. ~ Bill Gates. 133. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 5. The library, because it has so many stories. 277. 83. Benjamin Franklin. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 3. Sam Levenson "I receive what I believe.". Life is becoming easier and less serious. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 22. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! Im thinking like a proton, always positive. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Bill Murray 54. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 147. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 200. It was created to do amazing things. ". Art doesnt transform. 107. 225. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. They log in. 265. Have a look! 7. What do computers eat for a snack? Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Ive been doing nothing for years. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14.
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